Went and saw Battlefield LA today. It was awesome.
Somehow, it reminded me of being in Israel and under fire. I seriously will never forget that. I remember driving back north to pick up our gear from the hotel. We were driving towards missiles. We weren't even wearing helmets. who does that? I was pretty freaked out. I was looking up in the sky to see if i could see them coming at us. About an hour before a missile had hit about 300 yards from our hotel.
Later, we went to Ceserea Phillipi to escape the onslaught from Hezbollah. I would wake up in the middle of the night hearing the military choppers circling the city, waiting to warn us of attacks. The loud noise would send me into a panic. the missiles that had hit near us had given me an acute fear of loud explosion like noises.
I know it wasn't that big of deal, but running down those stairs after the BOOM, running for my life to a bomb shelter, that was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. THe hotel shook with the force. Most American civilians don't get bombed. And I got bombed by a janky ass missile shot off a bbq in the back of some Lebenese pick up truck. but still....
I will always hate CNN for their coverage of that event. They blamed Israel. BS. B freaking S. Just cause Hezbollah aim blows and Israel can hit what they aim at. Hezbollah shot at me. They shot at civilians. They shot first. Hezbollah hides behind children. That's why there was casualities...they count on you being angry because kids die, so they hide behind them. they hide their weapons in schools. don't buy the lies.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Friday, June 18, 2010
musings
I love life. I love the stars. I wish the real world was more like a fantasy novel. If it were, I would be a kender because I'm not afraid of anything and I love shiny objects. I try to be awake because Henry David Thoreau says that to be awake is to be alive. He says the mass of men live in quiet desperation. I have a hippy van and a dog named charley. I love my Thomas and believe in God. I'm very smart, and I know a lot of things, but the only real knowledge I've gained is that I am not wise.
I am naive. I believe that people are good and i always think people tell the truth. I am an easy target for salesmen, but i don't care. i'd rather be gullible than cynical. I believe in Karma but i don't think bad things happen to people JUST because they are bad. I mean, look at poor Job. I haven't figured out the algorithm yet, but karma definitely plays a role in the universe's justice system.
I lead a charmed life. I have received great love, witnessed of true sublime beauty, and felt a deep compassion for the suffering of humanity.
I hate holier than thou people more than pagans. I don't like smooshy apples. I want to believe in reincarnation for two reasons. 1. i think it would make the universe more fair, 2. i have too many things i want to do in life to complete in one lifetime.
When I was little i wanted to be a hobo. I wanted a stick with a little bundle wrapped in a handkerchief. I wanted to ride the trains and find work on farms with the seasons. I still think that would be a good life, but I think i'd have to live in the 1920's or 30's for it to work out.
I think God is beautiful and mysterious. I don't like when people try and subjugate God to reason and science, as if God must defend himself to our tiny world, like a human trying to explain his existence to an ant. Describing God, creation, and redemption is more poetry than physics, more art than equation. Sometimes I am afraid because there is so much I don't know.
I can't comprehend eternity. I can't even really think about it. It is more than I can bear. So i don't think about heaven or hell or what will happen to me when I die. I can't. I love God not because of eternity, but because I am humbled and and awe-struck that God allows me to know him in the terribly brief moment that is my life. I find it a great act of mercy that he even lets me try to worship.
I love Thomas because he is authentic. I love thomas because i am more myself with him than i am when i'm alone.
i don't need to be important, but i yearn to live fully, or as Thoreau says, "deliberately." I've seen true poverty and real sickness. I've seen a child die and a people suffer because they lived on the wrong continent. I've talked to AIDS patients who were abandoned by their families, I've danced with the oppressed, and I've lived in a hut. i've been to funerals of those who could not take the strain of another day. I've walked the halls of dirty, decrepit desolate hospitals. I've held mal-nurished children who cried for human touch. I've seen evil, twisted, horrible things. But, i'm an optimist and an idealist. In all the terribleness i've found beauty and joy in the enduring spirit of people all over the world.
Through natural disaster, war, oppression, famine, disease we live and we do the craziest thing of all, we bring little people into the world. Little people who will see the same awfulness and experience terrible heart ache. We must procreate because we believe there is something greater to life than suffering. that's cool.
I am naive. I believe that people are good and i always think people tell the truth. I am an easy target for salesmen, but i don't care. i'd rather be gullible than cynical. I believe in Karma but i don't think bad things happen to people JUST because they are bad. I mean, look at poor Job. I haven't figured out the algorithm yet, but karma definitely plays a role in the universe's justice system.
I lead a charmed life. I have received great love, witnessed of true sublime beauty, and felt a deep compassion for the suffering of humanity.
I hate holier than thou people more than pagans. I don't like smooshy apples. I want to believe in reincarnation for two reasons. 1. i think it would make the universe more fair, 2. i have too many things i want to do in life to complete in one lifetime.
When I was little i wanted to be a hobo. I wanted a stick with a little bundle wrapped in a handkerchief. I wanted to ride the trains and find work on farms with the seasons. I still think that would be a good life, but I think i'd have to live in the 1920's or 30's for it to work out.
I think God is beautiful and mysterious. I don't like when people try and subjugate God to reason and science, as if God must defend himself to our tiny world, like a human trying to explain his existence to an ant. Describing God, creation, and redemption is more poetry than physics, more art than equation. Sometimes I am afraid because there is so much I don't know.
I can't comprehend eternity. I can't even really think about it. It is more than I can bear. So i don't think about heaven or hell or what will happen to me when I die. I can't. I love God not because of eternity, but because I am humbled and and awe-struck that God allows me to know him in the terribly brief moment that is my life. I find it a great act of mercy that he even lets me try to worship.
I love Thomas because he is authentic. I love thomas because i am more myself with him than i am when i'm alone.
i don't need to be important, but i yearn to live fully, or as Thoreau says, "deliberately." I've seen true poverty and real sickness. I've seen a child die and a people suffer because they lived on the wrong continent. I've talked to AIDS patients who were abandoned by their families, I've danced with the oppressed, and I've lived in a hut. i've been to funerals of those who could not take the strain of another day. I've walked the halls of dirty, decrepit desolate hospitals. I've held mal-nurished children who cried for human touch. I've seen evil, twisted, horrible things. But, i'm an optimist and an idealist. In all the terribleness i've found beauty and joy in the enduring spirit of people all over the world.
Through natural disaster, war, oppression, famine, disease we live and we do the craziest thing of all, we bring little people into the world. Little people who will see the same awfulness and experience terrible heart ache. We must procreate because we believe there is something greater to life than suffering. that's cool.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Saturday, November 21, 2009
A slice of the past, circa 2005
so much to say, so little time to write. 4% left on the old battery and i'm too lazy to go get the power cord. I need to write more....but i can' t now, so i will simply copy and paste something i wrote a long time ago and let it lurk.
“Quien es el otro?” my Spanish professor asked her small Pepperdine classroom our first morning of Latin American History in my last semester of my senior year. My nervous companions and I glanced at each other, wondering what she could possibly mean by “the other” and who would be brave enough to answer first. I, too nervous to voice my opinion in a language I still felt clumsy in, answered to myself silently: “everyone different from me.” I was embarrassed and ashamed that my answer was so stark, awkward, and ugly. I thought myself well educated in other cultures, I volunteered in schools with a high Hispanic population, I worked in hospitals in poor rural areas of Honduras, I lived in Italy, and I taught English in Brasil, how is it that I could still harbor such a thought. Just a few weeks earlier while building a house in San Felipe, Mexico I met a woman my same age, and we talked in broken Spanish and English, she told me of her three children and the trials of beginning a family at 14. She marveled at my stories of the university. And as I left a few days later, we hugged, and instead of seeing a poor uneducated girl, I saw a strong woman, holding and laughing with her youngest daughter; she had lived a life much different from mine, but not any less fulfilling or valuable. She had much to learn from me, but I knew that the real lesson that weekend was for me. As I sat in that classroom, I began to realize that no matter how many times I had accepted and loved and learned about new cultures, living in them, breathing them and becoming part of them, it is nearly impossible to lose your sense of fear that different is threatening. How do I overcome that? Everyday it must be done. Everyday when I feel that fear creep in, whether it is in my urban diverse city of Portland or while walking the halls of the malnutrition wards of Honduras, I stop myself; I remember the surprising similarities all of humanity has, and, then, I silently celebrate the differences. It is in that moment, a seemingly small and insignificant moment, that I conquer the fear of “the other,” and rejoice in the love of “the different.”
I think I should continue on this vein soon....seeing as i've now actually lived and breathed what it is like to be the other in a far away land full of strange people and strange customs with strange food.
gypsy on
“Quien es el otro?” my Spanish professor asked her small Pepperdine classroom our first morning of Latin American History in my last semester of my senior year. My nervous companions and I glanced at each other, wondering what she could possibly mean by “the other” and who would be brave enough to answer first. I, too nervous to voice my opinion in a language I still felt clumsy in, answered to myself silently: “everyone different from me.” I was embarrassed and ashamed that my answer was so stark, awkward, and ugly. I thought myself well educated in other cultures, I volunteered in schools with a high Hispanic population, I worked in hospitals in poor rural areas of Honduras, I lived in Italy, and I taught English in Brasil, how is it that I could still harbor such a thought. Just a few weeks earlier while building a house in San Felipe, Mexico I met a woman my same age, and we talked in broken Spanish and English, she told me of her three children and the trials of beginning a family at 14. She marveled at my stories of the university. And as I left a few days later, we hugged, and instead of seeing a poor uneducated girl, I saw a strong woman, holding and laughing with her youngest daughter; she had lived a life much different from mine, but not any less fulfilling or valuable. She had much to learn from me, but I knew that the real lesson that weekend was for me. As I sat in that classroom, I began to realize that no matter how many times I had accepted and loved and learned about new cultures, living in them, breathing them and becoming part of them, it is nearly impossible to lose your sense of fear that different is threatening. How do I overcome that? Everyday it must be done. Everyday when I feel that fear creep in, whether it is in my urban diverse city of Portland or while walking the halls of the malnutrition wards of Honduras, I stop myself; I remember the surprising similarities all of humanity has, and, then, I silently celebrate the differences. It is in that moment, a seemingly small and insignificant moment, that I conquer the fear of “the other,” and rejoice in the love of “the different.”
I think I should continue on this vein soon....seeing as i've now actually lived and breathed what it is like to be the other in a far away land full of strange people and strange customs with strange food.
gypsy on
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Running way too far is strangely gratifying
I finished my 21k trail run in Bend today! Thomas and I headed to Bend after work on friday and set up camp at Tumalo State Park that night. We had a great time and a awesome campsite right on the deschutes.
Playing around bend was a lot of fun, but I was nervous for Sunday's race. Finally i was on the start line. It was tough race in high altitude and a 1000 ft incline. I ran as hard as i could and almost died crossing the dang finishing line. I asked myself a lot why in the world I was doing this...but all in all i'm glad i did. The trail was beautiful.
My competition was steep the two winners of the race were elite athletes, all americans, etc. Serious business. Everyone at the race was crazy fit and serious runners, i felt way outta my league. I pretty much was outta my league, i finished 143 with a 2:01:15 time. Last in my division of 8 :) Don't feel too bad though, it was a national competition full of runners who have been running with elite competition their whole lives. i'm just glad i finished. :)
On the other hand, i think i'll be running 10k's for a year or so....these half marathons are just toooooo long!
Gypsy on
Playing around bend was a lot of fun, but I was nervous for Sunday's race. Finally i was on the start line. It was tough race in high altitude and a 1000 ft incline. I ran as hard as i could and almost died crossing the dang finishing line. I asked myself a lot why in the world I was doing this...but all in all i'm glad i did. The trail was beautiful.
My competition was steep the two winners of the race were elite athletes, all americans, etc. Serious business. Everyone at the race was crazy fit and serious runners, i felt way outta my league. I pretty much was outta my league, i finished 143 with a 2:01:15 time. Last in my division of 8 :) Don't feel too bad though, it was a national competition full of runners who have been running with elite competition their whole lives. i'm just glad i finished. :)
On the other hand, i think i'll be running 10k's for a year or so....these half marathons are just toooooo long!
Gypsy on
Monday, September 7, 2009
The never ending project
Thomas and I spent the weekend unpacking boxes. I've been unpacking boxes for a month now, and it never seems to end. We made good progress, but there are still boxes left. ugh. Thomas also finished up my desk project for me. He did a great job painting and it is very cute. Only one more painting project left!
School starts tomorrow as well, and I'm sorta prepared. I still have work to do. I'll be going in early tomorrow to try and sort things out in my head before we get started. I only will see my students for about 15 minutes each period though, so that takes some pressure off. We don't REALLY get going until Wednesday. Phew! I think I'm just going to do a quick get-to-know you thing and an intro. I hate get-to-know yous, and I'm trying to find one that doesn't totally suck.
I'm so glad it is September, fall is just around the corner! Pretty soon I'll be putting up my Halloween decorations! Yippee!
Anyway, that's life for now. Not to exciting to tell, but exciting to live :) Hope all is well.
Gypsy On.
School starts tomorrow as well, and I'm sorta prepared. I still have work to do. I'll be going in early tomorrow to try and sort things out in my head before we get started. I only will see my students for about 15 minutes each period though, so that takes some pressure off. We don't REALLY get going until Wednesday. Phew! I think I'm just going to do a quick get-to-know you thing and an intro. I hate get-to-know yous, and I'm trying to find one that doesn't totally suck.
I'm so glad it is September, fall is just around the corner! Pretty soon I'll be putting up my Halloween decorations! Yippee!
Anyway, that's life for now. Not to exciting to tell, but exciting to live :) Hope all is well.
Gypsy On.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
In case you were wondering ( i didn't make this up, i wish i were that cool)
Things that go through the minds of 25-35 year olds:
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first
saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot.. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and
the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard
before dinner.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-That's enough, Nickelback.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to
be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an
overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet my a$s everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day " Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first
saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot.. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and
the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard
before dinner.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-That's enough, Nickelback.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to
be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an
overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet my a$s everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day " Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
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