Ya i was. sorry. it happens.
everything will be fine no matter what. i was being negative....
if school never starts and i go home then YAY i get to be with my family and thomas.
if school starts and i get to stay then YAY i get to teach in Africa.
good lord. somebody give me some paxil. what i really needed was a stiff drink!
loves!
gypsy on.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Well I been here before, sat on the floor in a gray gray mood
All i got is a bit of gray tune. not all hope is lost. school could begin anytime. but sometimes the world just turns gray.
Week 3 of strike begins next week. I've been here what? 7months and a couple weeks, check the turtle at the top. I've worked at the job I came to do for 4 weeks. 4.
My heart feels torn in two. Do i stay and hope? Or do i go home to people I love and (possibly) a job in a school that really needs me?
I know i'm worth more than what i'm doing here. i know that thomas is more important than sitting around waiting for a jacked up education system to MAYBE right itself so i can do something. but letting go of a dream and tossing aside a passion that led you to leave all you knew and loved is probably the most difficult thing i've ever been faced with.
ya pride is some of it. quitting, ugh. giving up? these are not words i am used to uttering. i've never quit anything...i've never given up half way through. but it seems that all the available evidence says to abandon ship.
i guess i know what it's like to be the captain of a doomed ship, to lead a labor of love, and as it sinks you just can't bring yourself to leave. you can't pull your feet from the deck because part of your soul lies within the very wood and steel that make up the boat.
so. i'm waiting. i'm waiting because i can't tear myself away, because i sacrificed so much with such high hopes. it hasn't been a complete failure; i've had some brilliant shining moments, but thats probably why this is so hard. i want more than anything to lay this down and run to thomas and my family and a new job but it takes time to complete the messy, incomplete, and impossible job of extracting your soul from your passion.
so family, thomas....patience please. i just need to make sure it's lost. i need to stay a while just in case she rights herself
Week 3 of strike begins next week. I've been here what? 7months and a couple weeks, check the turtle at the top. I've worked at the job I came to do for 4 weeks. 4.
My heart feels torn in two. Do i stay and hope? Or do i go home to people I love and (possibly) a job in a school that really needs me?
I know i'm worth more than what i'm doing here. i know that thomas is more important than sitting around waiting for a jacked up education system to MAYBE right itself so i can do something. but letting go of a dream and tossing aside a passion that led you to leave all you knew and loved is probably the most difficult thing i've ever been faced with.
ya pride is some of it. quitting, ugh. giving up? these are not words i am used to uttering. i've never quit anything...i've never given up half way through. but it seems that all the available evidence says to abandon ship.
i guess i know what it's like to be the captain of a doomed ship, to lead a labor of love, and as it sinks you just can't bring yourself to leave. you can't pull your feet from the deck because part of your soul lies within the very wood and steel that make up the boat.
so. i'm waiting. i'm waiting because i can't tear myself away, because i sacrificed so much with such high hopes. it hasn't been a complete failure; i've had some brilliant shining moments, but thats probably why this is so hard. i want more than anything to lay this down and run to thomas and my family and a new job but it takes time to complete the messy, incomplete, and impossible job of extracting your soul from your passion.
so family, thomas....patience please. i just need to make sure it's lost. i need to stay a while just in case she rights herself
Monday, February 16, 2009
Valentines Day
Had as lovely as a valentines as possible. Moms sent a nice package of goodies and gifts (thanks). Thomas and I talked on skype and AIM and watched a movie "together" - Prince Caspian. It was pretty good, i was entertained.
Normally on Valentines Thomas and I would have cooked a grand meal and rented a movie. Ya i know, SOOO exciting. But the thing is it's a lot cheaper than going out and to a movie. For 10 bucks get a nice bottle of wine/champagne from Trader Joes, make a delicous chicken or pasta dish and snuggle up for a night on the couch. Heaven if you ask me. Especially because i LOVE to cook. Ice cream would of course be included, sugar cookies, brownies, and some sort of delicious pancake breakfast earlier in the morning.
In order to make myself feel better at being mostly alone on Valentines, I made a spectacular dinner of pesto parmesan chicken with spaghetti. It truly was the best thing i've had in months (thanks to John Richard for the pesto parmesan crackers).
Still waiting for news on the strike....slowly losing patience. Let's just say now isn't a good time to send mail, as by the time it reaches Mali there may be no recipient on the others side.......
gypsy on.
Normally on Valentines Thomas and I would have cooked a grand meal and rented a movie. Ya i know, SOOO exciting. But the thing is it's a lot cheaper than going out and to a movie. For 10 bucks get a nice bottle of wine/champagne from Trader Joes, make a delicous chicken or pasta dish and snuggle up for a night on the couch. Heaven if you ask me. Especially because i LOVE to cook. Ice cream would of course be included, sugar cookies, brownies, and some sort of delicious pancake breakfast earlier in the morning.
In order to make myself feel better at being mostly alone on Valentines, I made a spectacular dinner of pesto parmesan chicken with spaghetti. It truly was the best thing i've had in months (thanks to John Richard for the pesto parmesan crackers).
Still waiting for news on the strike....slowly losing patience. Let's just say now isn't a good time to send mail, as by the time it reaches Mali there may be no recipient on the others side.......
gypsy on.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
and so it goes
the strike was supposed to be over today.....not so much. now they are saying classes will be back on next week. sigh. all my feelings of usefulness are beginning to dwindle.
in all honesty, however, if i were a student i would strike too. Here is the situation:
The government has restricted professors to 10 hours of overtime. Generally speaking professor work 30 to 40 hours of overtime. So that is 20-30 hours of classes that dont' have teachers. This translates to classroom full of students that don't have professors. This is also why the freshmen haven't started school.
It's a bad situation caused by the fact there are 6000 students in the English FLASH program and not even near enough teachers. I sure hope this clears up soon, though.
Gypsy On
in all honesty, however, if i were a student i would strike too. Here is the situation:
The government has restricted professors to 10 hours of overtime. Generally speaking professor work 30 to 40 hours of overtime. So that is 20-30 hours of classes that dont' have teachers. This translates to classroom full of students that don't have professors. This is also why the freshmen haven't started school.
It's a bad situation caused by the fact there are 6000 students in the English FLASH program and not even near enough teachers. I sure hope this clears up soon, though.
Gypsy On
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
For my momma
Well we had 4 weeks of class. That's a lot of work for Malians.....so the students went on strike. It is supposed to end and classes resume on thursday....we'll seeeee.
The GREAT news is that we bought Thomas' ticket today. I'm literally dancing around my room.
Momma sent me some valentine's candy and goodies. thanks mom. new valentine socks and undies. i have an unnatural obsession with holiday socks and undies. i just really enjoy the festive britches....makes me feel celebratory to have hearts/candycanes/pumpkins/four leaf clovers/etc. on my dereier. i can't spell in french...obviously. i can speak it, barely, but i can't spell. when i learned it here in Mali they only taught us orally, so we can't write in french at all. it's like being illiterate, kinda weird. Also included in said package was the prettiest apron i've ever owned. i dont' think i want to wear it in this country and ruin it!
Have i mentioned people carry goats on their motorcycles in the city? it's funny.
Racism is alive and well in Mali. For instance Malians insist that only people from the ivory coast and ghana steal things, never Malians. They also make white people pay more for everything. In addition they love yelling out peoples races as a way of getting their attention examples: Hey Chinese guy (to any and all asians no matter what their nationality is), Hey White person, usually followed by "give me money," sooooo whenever i hear tubob i say "oui farofin" which means "What black person?" can you imagine saying any of that in the US? like hey mexican come here. or hey black person where are you going? Joining the peace corps made me racist hahahaha.
Other ways the peace corps has made me a degenerate:
1. i litter now without any qualms. there is no garbage service in mali, so you just throw your trash in the gutter.
2. i have little to no sympathy for most beggers. i know ME who gives money away like it's going out of style. i walk past people 100x a day who ask me for money. i had to stop paying attention. now just old blind people get money.
3. i throw rocks at roosters. they are loud and they wake me up. it's not a deal where i live now, but in sanankoroba i had no qualms about heaving objects at roosters/donkeys/goats
4. i lie. i tell malians i'm going to work all the time when really i'm not. i just don't want to have to figure out how to say wherever my real destination is in French or bambara. work is easy to say and remember
5. i may have, unwittingly, encouraged revolution in my Friday night class at the catholic center. We were discussing foreign aid and it's affect on Africa and Mali. Many of my students feel foreign aid makes it difficult for African nations to achieve independence and it actually increases their dependence. they spoke of corruption, laziness, and the need for a stronger government. the word revolution was used more than once......i let it slide with no comment since i'm not supposed to insight war as a volunteer.
Gypsy on
The GREAT news is that we bought Thomas' ticket today. I'm literally dancing around my room.
Momma sent me some valentine's candy and goodies. thanks mom. new valentine socks and undies. i have an unnatural obsession with holiday socks and undies. i just really enjoy the festive britches....makes me feel celebratory to have hearts/candycanes/pumpkins/four leaf clovers/etc. on my dereier. i can't spell in french...obviously. i can speak it, barely, but i can't spell. when i learned it here in Mali they only taught us orally, so we can't write in french at all. it's like being illiterate, kinda weird. Also included in said package was the prettiest apron i've ever owned. i dont' think i want to wear it in this country and ruin it!
Have i mentioned people carry goats on their motorcycles in the city? it's funny.
Racism is alive and well in Mali. For instance Malians insist that only people from the ivory coast and ghana steal things, never Malians. They also make white people pay more for everything. In addition they love yelling out peoples races as a way of getting their attention examples: Hey Chinese guy (to any and all asians no matter what their nationality is), Hey White person, usually followed by "give me money," sooooo whenever i hear tubob i say "oui farofin" which means "What black person?" can you imagine saying any of that in the US? like hey mexican come here. or hey black person where are you going? Joining the peace corps made me racist hahahaha.
Other ways the peace corps has made me a degenerate:
1. i litter now without any qualms. there is no garbage service in mali, so you just throw your trash in the gutter.
2. i have little to no sympathy for most beggers. i know ME who gives money away like it's going out of style. i walk past people 100x a day who ask me for money. i had to stop paying attention. now just old blind people get money.
3. i throw rocks at roosters. they are loud and they wake me up. it's not a deal where i live now, but in sanankoroba i had no qualms about heaving objects at roosters/donkeys/goats
4. i lie. i tell malians i'm going to work all the time when really i'm not. i just don't want to have to figure out how to say wherever my real destination is in French or bambara. work is easy to say and remember
5. i may have, unwittingly, encouraged revolution in my Friday night class at the catholic center. We were discussing foreign aid and it's affect on Africa and Mali. Many of my students feel foreign aid makes it difficult for African nations to achieve independence and it actually increases their dependence. they spoke of corruption, laziness, and the need for a stronger government. the word revolution was used more than once......i let it slide with no comment since i'm not supposed to insight war as a volunteer.
Gypsy on
Saturday, February 7, 2009
From the Internet Monk
I was only going to link you to this post by the internetmonk.com, but i knew some people would be too lazy to click on it and read it. So i copied and pasted....this brings out everything that is wrong with the cultural war Christians tend to wage. The monk and i don't always agree, but this stuff is brilliant. The emphasis in italics is added by me. www.internetmonk.com
How are you going to fight that fight?
February 7th, 2009 by iMonk
Trevin calls this the pinnacle of wickedness, and no rational, morally sensitive person would disagree. But we don’t live in a rational or morally coherent age.
In the very same week, the President said, at the National Prayer Breakfast, that no one believes in a God who approves of the death of the innocent. Plenty of commentators have pointed out the irony of that statement as well.
But I’m increasingly frustrated by my fellow Christians on this issue. Let me tell you why.
1) There are massive amounts of talk. Constant, never ending talk on radio, blogs and television. But it’s not persuasive talk. It’s the speech of moral outrage, and that is appropriate at times. But it is not the talk of cultural change, mind-changing or policy change. It is the kind of talk that convinces the already convinced, but which makes the unconvinced feel cornered and yelled at.
2) There is an increasing undertone of of “anything goes” in the rhetoric of many Christians. Certainly, this issue will bring about a lot of emotion and strong feelings. But does “anything go?” Can you say anything and do anything without regard for boundaries and restraint? What’s our ethical responsibility when we respond?
3) The endless escalation of this issue will result in violence, either verbal or physical. Unstable people, angered by outrageous acts that inflame their emotions over their reason, will perpetuate a cycle of violence. Christians bear responsibility, in my view, to find a way to focus without creating the beginnings of a cycle of vengeance and revenge in the minds of those for whom violence is justified in this cause.
4) The civil rights struggle should be a great teacher for Christians who are pro-life, but I see little evidence of it. Dr. King and others had a sophisticated response to a deeply ingrained culture of hate: they out-loved, out-risked, and out-suffered them. Yes, there was rhetoric. Yes, there were speeches. But the civil rights struggle was a personal struggle won by people putting themselves on the line and saying “we will quietly, stubbornly, lovingly, sacrificially defeat this evil.” I don’t see leaders emulating or imitating this model. It’s just more and more and more outrage, and little conversion.
5) The Amish school tragedy has haunted many Christians. Are we prepared to respond to moral outrage and violence with greater love and greater forgiveness? Do we even have it in us? If such an act had happened in Christian schools, would there have been angry mobs outside the jails demanding a violent revenge? The lessons in the pro-life struggle are obvious: can we love those who perpetuate this evil? I can take you to blogs right now that will say we should not love them and that we have no responsibility to love them. Our response, according to these discernabloggers, should be hate and retaliation in the name of protecting the innocent.
6) Do we want a fight, or do we want to save lives? Do we want a fight, or do we want to persuade? Do we want a fight, or do we want to humble ourselves as a Christian community and admit how many of those abortions are our daughters? How many are of women living within shouting distance of our churches?
7) Is there a consistent pro-life response among American Christians? Are we outraged by children starving in Africa? Are we outraged by the innocents suffering in war? Are we outraged by child soldiers and the trafficking in sex slaves? Are we outraged by child abuse, sexual abuse and preventable disease? Are we willing to think in terms beyond the clear, outrageously evil stories such as the throw-a-way baby in Florida to see the pro-life issues all around us?
8] Is there a response to the pro-life cause that pays the bills? Writes legislation that makes slow, compromising progress? Is there a response that creates alternatives for women likely to seek abortion? Is there a willingness to risk family embarrassment to deal with our daughters’ pregnancies in ways other than a quick procedure? Can Christians, pastors, churches and ministries make a response that is practical, on the ground and real world, or is the main appeal here the opportunity to be outraged, angry and to keep on shouting?
My students and fellow adult Christians are almost universally pro-life. Some may have marched or answered phones in a crisis pregnancy clinic. I don’t know. Most of what I see is a lot of anger. Shocking pictures. An almost visceral, emotional ranting to release frustration, but little actual engagement or even understanding of the issue beyond what they emotionally hate.
I want to see more. I want a deeper, more effective response. I don’t want to just be angry. I want to see the problem addressed, minds changed, dialogue happen, truth told and people loved. I want to see progress by slow compromise if that is all we can get for now. I want to see Christians consistently applying the pro-life position to all of life.
The scripture says that the anger of man doesn’t create the righteousness of God. The way of love is far more difficult, but it is not optional for the follower of Jesus.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
the grind 59 days
a bit of an update:
School is going along fine. i'm really enjoying teaching there. some of my classes have yet to start due to a problem registering freshmen....there are always problems in mali! But the classes i am teaching are a lot of fun and the job on the whole is quite fulfilling. YAY! i was so worried school would start and i'd still feel bored or useless, so it is a relief that i love my job so much.
british studies class is studying the norman conquest and continuing to read beowulf. it's interesting because my students are constantly asking me why the anglo saxons fought the kelts, why the normans invaded england, why tribes fought each other. i feel like in america i wouldn't get these questions. we americans know why people fight, they fight for land, power, money etc. malians seem to be a bit baffled why someone would start a war.
my conversation class is talking about a different important global issue each week. i'm not sure what to have them discuss this saturday, but i'm sure i'll come up with something interesting before then. last week we talked about Barak Obama. my students, predictably, are in love with barak. they hate the wars in iraq and afghanistan, and they feel like america is targeting islam in those wars. they are also quite concerned about america's financial situation because they know that america's economy directly affects the world economy. we also discussed foregin aid. i think it would be interesting to have a debate on whether or not foreign aid helps or hurts developing countries. there is a lot of evidence to suggest it simply creates a dependency..... if you have any good topic ideas please let me know. this class is open to anything, we merely talk for 2 hours on whatever subject strikes me as interesting!
I am also working at a catholic youth center once a week teaching a two hour english conversation class to 15 students. most of them are young adults and older people. this is even more fun than the university because the students are so excited to learn and i have time to talk with each of them individually, unlike my 100 students per class at the university. Last week we had a rather rousing discussion on the problems that are facing Mali. They brought up poverty, bad governance, unemployment, education, the rebels in the north, and many more. bright group of folks. i look forward to hearing their opinion on several issues.
hot season is here. well, not here, but it is certainly coming. the cool mornings are no longer that cool and the days are back in the 100's. i miss 80 degrees days and 60 degree mornings already. but the good news is mango season is here! i love mangos! it's the one redeeming quality of hot season.
still counting down days til europe!
gypsy on
School is going along fine. i'm really enjoying teaching there. some of my classes have yet to start due to a problem registering freshmen....there are always problems in mali! But the classes i am teaching are a lot of fun and the job on the whole is quite fulfilling. YAY! i was so worried school would start and i'd still feel bored or useless, so it is a relief that i love my job so much.
british studies class is studying the norman conquest and continuing to read beowulf. it's interesting because my students are constantly asking me why the anglo saxons fought the kelts, why the normans invaded england, why tribes fought each other. i feel like in america i wouldn't get these questions. we americans know why people fight, they fight for land, power, money etc. malians seem to be a bit baffled why someone would start a war.
my conversation class is talking about a different important global issue each week. i'm not sure what to have them discuss this saturday, but i'm sure i'll come up with something interesting before then. last week we talked about Barak Obama. my students, predictably, are in love with barak. they hate the wars in iraq and afghanistan, and they feel like america is targeting islam in those wars. they are also quite concerned about america's financial situation because they know that america's economy directly affects the world economy. we also discussed foregin aid. i think it would be interesting to have a debate on whether or not foreign aid helps or hurts developing countries. there is a lot of evidence to suggest it simply creates a dependency..... if you have any good topic ideas please let me know. this class is open to anything, we merely talk for 2 hours on whatever subject strikes me as interesting!
I am also working at a catholic youth center once a week teaching a two hour english conversation class to 15 students. most of them are young adults and older people. this is even more fun than the university because the students are so excited to learn and i have time to talk with each of them individually, unlike my 100 students per class at the university. Last week we had a rather rousing discussion on the problems that are facing Mali. They brought up poverty, bad governance, unemployment, education, the rebels in the north, and many more. bright group of folks. i look forward to hearing their opinion on several issues.
hot season is here. well, not here, but it is certainly coming. the cool mornings are no longer that cool and the days are back in the 100's. i miss 80 degrees days and 60 degree mornings already. but the good news is mango season is here! i love mangos! it's the one redeeming quality of hot season.
still counting down days til europe!
gypsy on
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